This Wilderness Up In My Head

Everything posted is my own writing.

This Wilderness Up In My Head

“
You tell me you don’t love me
But you can’t walk out the door
Holding me as I’m crying
Broken & paralyzed, lying on the kitchen floor

This wasn’t supposed to happen
The ring you put on my finger tells me so
But as I throw it at you
I’m pleading you not to go

You slam the door in anger
I’m left bleeding and all alone
These cuts won’t heal themselves
I need you to come back home
”

— Me

5:30 pm • 18 April 2012

“
What good does it do to get close
What good does it do to love
The closer you get,
The more love you give,
The harder it is to let go

Deeper and deeper you fall
Farther and farther you climb
There’s no looking back
There’s no turning round
There’s no where at all to hide

And when the going gets tough
When all’s said and done
All you can do is run
”

— Me

4:02 am • 24 February 2012

“I’ll feel better if I get it out.
Just five long steps, and it’s gone.
Smaller, but weaker.
Empty feels good, safe.
Skinny jeans and you are all I have on my mind.”

— Me

11:20 pm • 8 January 2012

“We fill our lungs with oxygen and toxins
Breathing out and in what could have been
Day to day we wrestle with the common absurdities
That plague our minds and our souls

Suffocated by what’s been haunting us
We can’t undo what’s been done
Can’t blind ourselves to what we don’t want to see
Everything is nothing but a mere tragedy

We tend to hide behind corners and under our beds
Never stopping to mind our already worried heads
Thoughts build up of guilty pleasures and dirty notions
Multiplying what’s already been set in motion”

— Me

8:31 pm • 8 January 2012

“All we ever want is someone to want us back
To know that even though we are imperfect
They want us for exactly who we are, to know
That they are the one person we don’t have to make
Excuses for being the way we are

I want someone to not think I’m crazy, someone to think
That I’m great, even if the reasons they think I’m great are also
The reasons why I’m not so great.

I want someone to be enamored with me. Someone to think of
Me as gravity, that I’m the reason they are being pulled in to where they are.

Reciprocation is a fabrication. A mutual infatuation is all I ask for.”

— Me

8:31 pm • 8 January 2012

“It’s times like this that I miss
What we had and what we had planned
But nothing is what it seems and all we have
Left is nostalgia and dreams

Wherever you are and wherever you’ll go
I just think you should know that I did what I could
And I did what I thought was best but you didn’t want to
Settle and you didn’t want my head lying on your chest

So you dye your hair blood red,
You smoke your weed and promenade to what lies ahead
But even though I’m the one who is feeling alone I feel more
Sorry for you because you’re never going to grow

I don’t love you anymore but these wounds you left me with
Still make me feel sore
I have nothing left but skin and bones
Out of starvation and sadness, lost in a world of unknowns”

— Me, written a year ago

8:29 pm • 8 January 2012

“One day I’ll find the ground.
Land in a state of consistent stability.
The fear of growing up, stuck in uncertainty.
A vulture to adolescent tendencies.
Juvenescence of drinking until vomiting,
Smoking until lungs are blackened.
Invincibility seems believable.
But the susceptibility of sophomoric doings won’t last.”

— Me

8:19 pm • 8 January 2012

“All this time I spend in bed.
I curl and cocoon, rest my fretful head.
With the dog at my feet, I shut off the world.
Hiding in my blankets, safe from the inane.
Lack of motivation with a desperation for peace.
I’m not the person I was supposed to be.”

— Me

8:15 pm • 8 January 2012